I'm scared to lose you

There are things which can't be shared with everybody. And then there are things which you share with the people you are close to - people who matter, people who deserve to know so that they can get to know you. Its a healthy habit sharing about yourselves. But here comes the warning!!! You get so close to the person that you are scared to lose him/her. So this makes you escape things and be scared around them which sucks. There are certain expectations from both sides which if are not completed may lead to some fights or misunderstandings.
I have come to learn its healthier for a relationship if the other half doesn't know all your feelings.:D

When is it Real - Part 2

So I finished the last blog on the guy whom I liked for about 5 years. Well to tell you the truth, for me he is the guy who I'll be ready to have at any point of my life. But to state the facts since nothing happened ever I can't call him my guy. We weren't even on talking terms. We just talked on phone a couple of times but thats about it.
So starts the next darker phase (I promise its not a horror movie :D). I began my college where I enrolled one month after everybody else. There were 3 more people with me. One of them was my friend since I knew her before I started out. So the groups of friends were already made. Everybody knew each other. But then there were some people who were willing to talk to 'the new kids'. It was basically because of my friend that people even bothered with me ( You see she was HOT!!! and still is. :D). People in college think that they have a duty to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. So practically all the single guys started hitting on her. Some of them talked to me so that I'd tell her how great the guy is. Well it kind of worked with one guy. But the truth be told, it was because I started liking the creep. And my friend started dating this other creep (whom both of us totally hate now btw). So we used to travel in the metro talking about our new colg and how much fun it is. Then suddenly, we became friends with a lot of people in college. Because the guy that my friend dated knew a lot of people and well it just happened. Finally our friend circle included me, my hot friend ( lets call her D), my snob friend (there's a whole story behind that but we'll call her S), the guy that i liked ( I'm gonna call him shit), D's bf ( crap ), and two more guys. Only God knows what I saw in that guy. He was such a fake person. But thanks to all the loser movies that I'd already seen I had this really sucky image of his in my mind which makes me want to puke right now. So what basically happened was that i fell for the loser and the dude took full advantage of that. He pretended to like me so that he can be a stud in the college with a gf. But throughout my snob friend (:D) was there with me and it all turned out okay. I stopped talking to the guy and D broke up with Crap. She was a little sad but as it turned out later she was much happier without him than she was ever with him. So Crap and Shit can go and suck each other for all we care.
But then since S was always there with me, we became the best of friends though we were best friends even before the whole thing started. I learnt that it necessarily doesn't have to be a guy with whom it has to be real.
I found my real thing which was my friendship with S. I love her. :D
We make each other a better person and can have all the fun we want. And now when me, D and S are together, we rock our lives!!! :D

When is it Real?

I have been in 'love' with a lot of guys. Its funny to think about falling in love more than once when you believe that love happens once, which is what all the movies make you believe. So why was it that I fell for so many people? hahahahaha.
I think the reason I have is (which I believe a lot of people have but maybe some have difficulty in figuring out) is the idea of love. To be honest, I blame all the movies. They portray this fictitious love-at-first-sight and what not. All the loyalty, the depression after the 'loss' of the loved one, and more crap. uff!!!
When I was very young I had this guy friend I used to sit with always. We were good friends. We shared fun, our experiences and overall cared about each others well being. And this was when we were young. :D. I 'loved' him.hahahaha. But then after some years a new girl came in our class and the hero of this particular story fell for her. So thats where this ends. We didn't talk much after that, he always wanted to sit with her, talk to her, basically all the things that we used to do together. I left the school that year and got over that. I realised that that's not love. All that was was a person you can call your friend and have fun with. And come on I was just in 5th. I don't think that love happens even before you've hit your puberty. :D
The next phase was funny. I saw a guy and whoa! I got a crush on him (but hey! he had to be hot :D). This continued for a long time. But then there was this really cute senior for whom I fell for the instant I saw him.hahaha. Awwwww. Love at first sight.hahahaha. That's what I believed inspired from all the movies. I liked him for 5 years after that even after he vanished from my life. Since he used to live close to my house I used to always use the roads connecting his house. Such a stalker I am. ;). But one day on facebook I got to know about his girlfriend and i got over it. Well not completely. :D
There have been more guys but about them in the next post. And also I give the answer - When is it Real? :D
because I know. :D

not-so-fun-family

I don't know how many people are satisfied with their parents but I do think that mine could've been better. When I was younger I had the best parents in the world, my b'ful and sweet twin but as we get older each year things are changing and certainly not for good. First change was my baby brother being born. I was delighted with the addition to my family. But then he got into school and things changed. My mum got busy teaching him all the school work which he was technically supposed to learn at school. It involved so much of effort and self-control (because anybody would want to pull their hair out while teaching him). Its easier to teach a dog to speak english then make paras learn anything. This constant yelling changed our atmosphere at home. Mum started getting irritated all the time. Dad started yelling and shouting at all four of us to stop mum from shouting. So the main picture was that there was constant noice pollution at my house which I hated. All of this was to such an extent that I wondered ( a lot !) if my parents want a divorce and the only reason that that is not happening is because of their children. But now that I think about it, I realise that it may only be because of my younger brother that the actual splitting is not happening. However this doesn't mean that they both don't love each other because they do. They want everything to work smoothly though that doesn't happen because of all the yelling. My sister and I are scared to show that we are having fun doing anything that regular teengers do- take for example: facebook. Practically everybody uses it but my parents can not know about it because it gives me happiness which is not an emotion that they'd want me to have. I should be constantly working or doing some household chores (which i don't because i don't want to). "I should have some responsibilty towards my family". They have forgotten how to smile and laugh. Every night there is an "interactive" session which generally includes me and dad (and sometimes mum yells in the background).

Now I'll start how that interactive session starts-
1)I am sitting in my room surfing on the net or chatting.
2)I get a missed call from my dad.
3)Scared and wondering what did/didn't I do today for all the yelling that is about to take place I go in their room.
4)Mum starts complaining to Dad about me but suddenly turns to me and starts shouting without giving me a chance to explain anything to her. Over the time, I have learnt not to say anything when either of parent is shouting because it helps in a speedy 'interaction' and I really do want it to end quickly.
5)Dad starts shouting at mum for shouting.
6)Mum starts crying.
7)Dad makes a face and asks me to sit beside him.
8)All the interrogation begins in which I choose to stay silent for most of the time except where he repetedly asks me for a solution of a "huge problem" (which evidently is always the same).
9)My answering gives him some fuel for continuing the discussion and it goes on.

Finally, I make it back to my room and wish that I was in my hostel away from my parents and house. I think that my life is liveable if I give up the child that I am and become all mature and old. But the truth is that I don't want to so I won't. I am fine with all the yelling as long as I know that I just have to be here till the time I start earning and move somehwere far away. This doesn't mean that I'll forget what all they have done for me. I'll be a good daughter but I'll not live with them.

I just want to thank both my parents for providing financial support and mum alone for helping me in my academics.

Who Am I

Everyone wants to do what they are best at in their lives to succeed. Or just to be happy. Well there are no fixed rules for finding out what you are good at or where is it that your interests lie. One of the many that i can think of right now is trying out all the options that you can get. Constant experimenting is bound to lead you somewhere, and that somewhere is where you want to be. People live their lives doing what it is that is expected out of them and not doing what your own soul expects you to do. So here is a tip: Stop living others dream, create your own. Because at the end of the day you'll find much more happiness fulfilling your own wishes than completing a task assigned to you.
As I write this I realize its easier said than done because as of now I am nowhere even near finding out who am I. But I can say that I have started on the path for realizing who am I -

• I have figured out that i have to figure out what is it that I want to do. :D
• I have created opportunities for myself to try out new things.
• I'll be myself while experimenting.

So go out there and start experimenting!!!!!!